youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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