What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
