OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
