we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
