At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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