My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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