Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
home. puking in laundry basket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
