I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
