Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
