I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
