I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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