I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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