let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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