guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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