I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
