I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
