If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
