Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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