now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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