im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
