There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
