so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
