i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
