U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
