If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
