i barfeds in our rink
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
