Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
