I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
