he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
