whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
