I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
