You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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