if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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