we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
