dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
