My cat gives me a boner
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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