Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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