First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
