Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
from now on my penis is your penis
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
