Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
