The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
