mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
