a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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