he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
