So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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