I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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