It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
this is an emotional support booty call
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
