I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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