I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was born a porn star she said
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
