watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
