Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
