theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
