He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
