Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
