i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
